Here's Lily Read online

  “You are special,” Mom said. “And I don’t think you need this class to show you that.”

  Dad gently squeezed the back of Lily’s neck. “We just need to think about it, Lilliputian,” he said. “We’re not ready to say yes.”

  Five

  It was all Lily could do not to wail, “Whyyyyyy?” right there in the Rutledge Agency meeting room. She waited until they got out into the parking lot and said it through very tight teeth.

  “Because this whole modeling thing seems too focused on appearance to me,” Dad said. “You know Mom and I are always urging you kids to do things that will make God proud of you, things that are part of the work He wants us to do.”

  “Yeah,” Lily said. “But—”

  “But,” Mom finished for her, “how are you contributing anything to God’s kingdom by walking up and down a runway so people will buy the clothes you’re wearing?”

  Lily’s mind felt like her iPod on shuffle; it couldn’t find a place to stop. Mom and Dad both leaned against the car and watched her.

  “I don’t know,” she finally said. “I just like it here.”

  “Why?” Dad said.

  “Because . . . I don’t know. I just do. I like Kathleen.”

  “Honey, we aren’t going to pay just so you can hang out with Kathleen,” Mom said. “We’ll have her over for dinner or something.”

  “But she teaches me stuff. She already has. And I—I don’t know. Why can’t I do it just because I want to?”

  Neither of them answered that question. They only leaned against the car and waited. Lily could feel her throat closing up, feel her teeth wanting to grit together harder and harder. If she didn’t say something soon, it was all going to be locked up, and she would never get to come back here, where she felt special and not . . .

  “I don’t feel ugly when I’m around Kathleen!” she said.

  “Oh, Lil!” Mom said. “Why would you ever feel ugly?”

  But Dad put his hand on Mom’s arm. “I tell you what, Lilliputian,” he said. “We’ll let you take the class, just because it means so much to you. But we’re not going to promise that we’ll let you sign on with the agency when you’re finished. We want to see if God is in this, so the class may end up being the end of it. Can you deal with that?”

  Mom gave him a poke with her elbow, but once again Dad patted her arm. Mom closed her mouth, and that was the end of that “conversation,” which was fine with Lily. She flung herself at Dad and wrapped her arms around his neck. He laughed softly, close to her ear.

  “Thank you!” she said. “You won’t be sorry. I promise. I’ll try to be the best one in the class.”

  “I have no doubt you’ll try,” Mom said. “You always go all out no matter what you do.”

  Lily wished more than ever that she had a cell phone. It was torture to have to wait until she got home to call Reni. When she did, Reni squealed as if it were happening to her.

  “But you have to promise not to tell anybody else,” Lily said.

  “How come?”

  “Because I don’t want Shad Shifferdecker to hear about it.”

  “Oh yeah. He’d so make fun of you.”

  “Fun? He’d flip completely out.”

  Of course, come Monday morning, Shad made fun of her anyway, every chance he got.

  When their class was in the library, he hissed to her, “Hey, since you’re taller than King Kong, can you get me that book on the top shelf?”

  And when they were at lunch, he said from down the table, “Don’t eat those carrots! Dude, it’ll turn your hair orange! Oh, sorry. It already is orange.”

  And when they were working on a Native American mural for their classroom wall, he handed her the beige paint and said, “Here. Paint this on your face so you won’t look like a dead person.”

  Sure, it all made Lily want to holler, “Ms. Goo-ooch!” But then she would think about Kathleen and how un-giraffe-like she felt when she was at Rutledge. Then she would just toss her head away from him and move on.

  “She thinks she’s all that,” she heard Shad say to Daniel. Lily merely smiled to herself—and waited for Tuesday night. That would be her first class with Kathleen.

  Tuesday evening finally arrived, and Lily spent an hour getting ready. She pulled her hair back the way Kathleen had at the workshop that day, and since she didn’t have any cleanser or toner, she scrubbed her face extra hard so it would sort of tingle like she remembered. She wished she had some blush and lip gloss, but once the class was all assembled, listening to Kathleen talk, she was glad she didn’t.

  One of the first things Kathleen said to them was, “Now, this class is not about piling on makeup and doing elaborate things with your hair. This is not a beauty pageant.”

  “That’s good!” somebody said. It was one of the two boys in the group. Lily looked around to make sure Cool Jeans wasn’t one of them.

  “I knew you’d appreciate that,” Kathleen said.

  Her eyes flickered to Cassie, who was sitting next to Lily. Cassie had her hair done up in a bouquet of curls on top of her head, and she was wearing enough lipstick for every girl in the class. When Kathleen looked at her, Cassie said, “My mom made me put all this stuff on.”

  Kathleen smiled. “That’s why we don’t let moms in the room during class.”

  She went on to tell them that they would have a three-hour class once a week for six weeks. During that time, they would learn the best age-appropriate look for each of them. More important, she said, they would discover ways to be poised and confident and to project themselves as people.

  “These are not acting lessons,” Kathleen warned them. “When you go out to audition for a modeling job or a commercial, you have about thirty seconds to show them who you are. There is no time for acting. You will learn how to walk in with an air that says, ‘I know who I am, and I’m not afraid of what you think of me.’ ”

  I would love to be able to do that around Shad Shifferdecker, Lily thought. This is going to be so cool.

  And then Kathleen announced the coolest part. “At the end of our six weeks together,” she told the class, “in late November, we will present a modeling show for parents and friends.”

  The room immediately buzzed.

  “T.J.Maxx will bring in clothes, and you will each choose three outfits to model. By then you’ll know how to style your hair to match the look of each outfit, and you will be able to walk down the runway with poise and confidence, selling not only the clothes you’re wearing, but who you are as well.”

  Lily took a deep breath. She wasn’t sure how she was ever going to get to that point, but she did know one thing. If she did, she was going to make sure Shad Shifferdecker was there to see it.

  “No, you are not!” Reni said when Lily told her the next day. It was afternoon recess, and they were sitting under their favorite tree, which was now even more naked than before. That made it easier to make sure there were no eavesdroppers up in the branches this time. “But I don’t see how you’re going to get him there.”

  “I don’t either,” Lily said. “But I’ve gotta do it. Can’t you just see the look on his face when I pivot at the end of the runway and don’t fall off?”

  Reni giggled.

  Lily had already envisioned it a dozen times. His mouth would be hanging open, his eyes would be wide, and there would be a general look of oh-Lily-you-are-so-gorgeous-I’ll-never-tease-you-again on his face. Even his eyebrows would be impressed.

  “What’s ‘pivot’?” Reni said.

  “I’ll show you.”

  Lily got up and demonstrated what Kathleen had taught them the night before. She walked slowly, keeping her focus out ahead of her, and then stopped and turned without lowering her eyes to the ground. She was a little wobbly, but she did it much better than her first try in class, when she’d gotten her legs completely tangled and had wound up looking like a pretzel.

  “Keep trying, Lily,” Kathleen had told her. “It’s all about trying.”


  Lily had gotten it on the next attempt.

  Reni’s eyes were shining. “Wow. You look like a real model!”

  “You could do it. It’s easy.”

  “No it is not,” Reni said.

  But Lily pulled her up by the wrist and gave her the instructions. They were walking side by side, eyes glued to the Dumpster as their focus, when they heard cackling from the direction of the bike racks. Lily looked back long enough to see Ashley and Chelsea perched on top of one.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” Ashley said.

  “Lily’s showing me—” Reni started to say, but Lily gave her a jab in the rib.

  “Showing you what? How to look like a geek?” Ashley said.

  Chelsea shrieked out a laugh that was way too loud for something that wasn’t that funny. Reni looked at Lily.

  “You ought to let me tell them,” she said between her teeth. “It’ll shut them up so fast!”

  Lily shook her head. “She’ll tell Shad. I know it. I want this to be a total surprise.”

  It turned out she was right. A direct line seemed to be tied between Ashley and Shad, because the minute the class was lined up at the water fountain after recess, Shad stepped out of line and walked up and down, staring ahead of him and turning on his toes at the end of each pass.

  “What are you doing?” Zooey said.

  But Lily knew, and she could feel the blotches forming on her face.

  “Guess who I am?” Shad said.

  “Goofy,” Reni said. “No, wait! Pluto.” She rolled her eyes practically up into her head and got Zooey laughing, but she also looked nervously at Lily. Lily tried not to grit her teeth.

  Shad continued to pace up and down doing spazzy-looking turns, shoulders thrown back and hips swaying. “Guess again!” he said.

  “A robot playing basketball!” Leo said.

  “No!”

  “Somebody walking in their sleep!” Marcie said.

  “No!”

  “Yes, it is,” she said. “Your eyes are all staring, but you aren’t seeing anything. That’s the way it is when you walk in your sleep. My mother says I do it all the time and—”

  “I oughta know what I’m doing.” Shad bared his metal-speckled teeth.

  “Who are you, then?” Marcie said.

  Shad stopped, and to Lily’s horror, he pointed straight at her. “I’m doing my Lily Snobbins imitation!”

  “Lily Snobbins!” Leo cried. “Yeah!”

  He high-fived Shad and Daniel snorted, and Lily felt her face blotches turn into one big mass of red. Behind her, she heard cackling. When she looked back, Ashley and Chelsea had their mouths buried in their sleeves. Their eyes were laughing meanly, right at her.

  Right then, it was impossible for Lily to keep her arms at her sides, her feet planted firmly hip-distance apart, and her eyes focused on a point in front of her. She didn’t feel poised or confident or any of those Kathleen things. She just felt like a giraffe.

  “It doesn’t take all afternoon to get drinks of water,” Ms. Gooch called out from the double doors. “What’s the holdup?”

  “Shad was—” Marcie started to say.

  But Ms. Gooch held up her hand and said, “Shad, back in line,” and then watched with one eyebrow up.

  Nothing more was said about the “Lily imitation.” But Lily couldn’t forget. Now there was no doubt about it: she had to get Shad Shifferdecker to that modeling show. And she only had six weeks to figure out how.

  Six

  For the next few weeks, most of Lily’s thoughts were tied up with the modeling class, not with Shad. She had so many things to learn.

  Kathleen spent one whole session on what was called “slating,” where they had to look into a video camera and introduce themselves.

  “Look at the camera, not at the operator,” Kathleen told them. “Speak with expression. You have thirty seconds to sell yourself to the casting director.”

  That night, whenever Lily wasn’t taking her turn with the camera, she was in front of a mirror, practicing.

  In another session, they worked on perfecting their runway walk. After Lily’s mom bought her the required slick-bottomed shoes, pivoting was easier, but she still practiced every day on the hardwood floors at home.

  “Mom, she’s wearin’ a path,” Art would say, but Lily just kept pivoting.

  One of her favorite exercises in class was when Kathleen would give each person a question to answer while slating. If there was one thing Lily could do, it was find the right words—for any subject.

  “You express yourself beautifully, Lily. That will be a great asset to you.” Kathleen smiled and rested a smooth, manicured hand on Lily’s arm. “But remember, you only have thirty seconds.” Lily had rattled on for a good ninety.

  Still, Kathleen was always giving Lily compliments.

  The night they practiced for their photo shoot, she told Lily that she was very photogenic. “The camera loves you” were her exact words.

  The night Cassie showed up in ripped jeans, Kathleen used Lily as an example of how she wanted them to look for class. “Lily looks professional in this dress,” she said to the group. “She’s putting her best foot forward. Your grubbies are great in their place, but going out for a modeling job is not that place.”

  Even the night they practiced walking out of a room without turning their backs to anyone in the room, Lily was Kathleen’s model.

  “You’ve done this before,” she whispered to Lily with a tiny smile. Then she turned to the class and said, “Notice how Lily keeps her attention on the person at the desk, not on herself? When you’re not thinking so much about yourself, you tend to move more gracefully. It’s self-consciousness that makes us trip over things.” She then pretended to fall over a chair, and everyone laughed. Lily just glowed. The whole gum-on-the-skirt episode had been erased.

  The last fifteen minutes of every session, the parents were allowed to come in and watch them demonstrate what they’d learned that night. Lily liked that part. She always pretended that Shad was part of their tiny “audience” and that he was totally blown away by her presence.

  “I was right,” Mom said on the third night, when she and Lily were headed for Maggie Moo’s after class.

  “About what?” Lily said.

  “You are going all out for this.”

  “I want to be the best,” Lily said.

  Mom licked thoughtfully at the drippy edge of her cone. “Have you figured out where God is in it yet?”

  “No.” Lily swallowed hard. “I forgot about that.”

  “I see.”

  “So . . . how’s your volleyball team doing?” Lily asked quickly. “Do you think they’ll make it all the way to State?”

  Mom gave her a long look that clearly said, Since when are you interested in how my volleyball team is doing? But then she took another lick of chocolate from her cone and said, “I think they will. Thanks for asking. The tournament’s in three weeks.”

  Lily promised herself she’d think more about the God part. But it was sure easier to think about ways to be even better in Kathleen’s class.

  She packed away all her rock and feather collections and decorated her room with pictures of teen fashion models who looked “poised and confident.”

  When she got money for doing extra chores around the house—like reorganizing the linen closet and cleaning the top of the refrigerator and all those other things her parents never had time to do—she spent it on skin care products and fashion magazines and cute shirts in “her” colors. Mom and Dad had entire “eye conversations” about all of it; they agreed she could do it as long as she didn’t take her mind off the things she was supposed to be thinking about.

  On the night of the actual photo shoot, Lily couldn’t think about anything else.

  They’d been practicing for a couple of sessions on how to project themselves to the camera, and Lily was ready. She picked out an aqua tunic top that Kathleen said was perfect with her coloring, a
nd since they were just doing head shots, she concentrated on her hair.

  Art came by the bathroom when she was in there smoothing it down to fit into two clips, the way Kathleen had shown her.

  “If either of those gets loose,” he said, “somebody could be killed.”

  Lily closed the bathroom door.

  “Wimp!” Art called through the door. But he didn’t sound quite as cocky as usual.

  The moms were allowed to come into the classroom at the beginning of the session that night so Kathleen could talk to them about the photo shoot.

  “If your son or daughter is going to go for modeling jobs,” she explained, “you’ll need to have a résumé for him or her, which includes a list of your child’s characteristics and experience and an eight-and-a-half-by-eleven color copy of your child’s best head shot, plus the digital file. We’ll also use that photo for your child’s composition card.” She held up a card that looked a lot like the baseball cards Joe collected. “It will have a picture on one side and vitals on the other. Sometimes a casting director will flip through a hundred of these and pick out five kids he wants to see in person.”

  “How can he tell anything from that?” It was Cassie’s mother, of course. She had a tube of lipstick in her hand, which she was about to apply to Cassie’s lips while Kathleen was talking.

  “Most casting directors are searching for a particular look—maybe wholesome all-American or academic, something like that,” Kathleen said. “One glance at a photo will tell them if Cassie has that look, but he won’t even consider her if she’s covered with makeup. He wants to see the child—the talent, as we call it in the business—not the makeup.”

  Cassie’s mother gave a loud sniff and shoved the lipstick back in her purse.

  When Kathleen was finished and the moms got up to leave, Lily’s mom put her hand firmly on Lily’s arm.

  “Go ahead and have your picture taken, Lil,” she said. “But remember, we don’t know yet if you’re going to sign with the agency. I don’t see the point in buying a bunch of pictures you aren’t going to use.”

  “But I might!” Lily said.

  “We’ll see.” Mom patted Lily’s arm and went out to join the other mothers.